Sometimes I meet a man — and it’s always a man — whom I’m somehow impressed by. Their intelligence, wit, knowledge… something about their minds makes me want to Vulcan mind meld with them. And yet it’s completely non-sexual. I tried having sex with some of my brain crushes, when I was much younger. It never went well. Because what I wanted was a mental connection, not a physical one.
(That isn’t to say I’m not attracted to men. And for me to want them, they have to have interesting personalities and intelligence. It’s just that most of the time, my interest in a guy is far more intellectual than physical.)
I never know how to act with men I have brain crushes on. Because my mind is attracted to theirs, so I feel like I should want their bodies too. Or they expect sex because we get along so well intellectually. So generally I wind up avoiding them, because I don’t know how to reconcile my mental attraction with my lack of physical interest.
(This never happens with other genders. It’s easier for me to find someone not-male attractive physically if I’m also attracted to their mind. Maybe it’s because my sexual experiences with men have been worse on average than those with women? Maybe because I’m more sexually attracted to women and non-binary folk? Not sure.)
This rambling post brought to you by the podcast My Favorite Malady, because I have a brain crush on the male host and don’t even know what he looks like. Nor do I care. Because brains.