I did something stupid: I got on my scale last night. It depressed me. Which, it shouldn’t. I can see changes in my body, I can see my clothes fitting differently… I wasn’t getting on the scale for a reason, because I knew it might upset me, and it did, so I’m angry with myself. Note that this scale doesn’t actually show my weight; it’s old and analog and the dial goes all the way around and then over, because its limit is 200 pounds. (I am exceptionally tall for someone with a uterus, over 6 feet/184cm. At 200 pounds I look anorexic and have photos to prove it.) The last time I was weighed, it was at my doctor’s. I had planned to hold out until my next appointment, but I don’t have one scheduled, and I was curious… Fucking stupid of me.
I am trying to be kind to myself about it, though. Beating myself up accomplishes nothing.
I had problems. Today I got my brother, a talented programmer, to look at my code and make sure it was RN and not me. He confirmed that it was RN. Which made me feel better — I hate it when I can’t solve a coding problem I created myself — but it meant I have to buckle down and learn Kotlin.
So I have Android Studio installed and am working on the app. Wish me luck. I am determined to successfully write this thing. One, because I hate backing down from something I want to accomplish. Two, it’s a skill I could monetize in future if I wanted. (The app will be free, but I can use it as a portfolio piece.) Three, the app would make someone happy and get them more exposure, which they deserve. Which is why I wanted to write it in the first place.
Okay, enough talking, more coding!