March 2022 – SwitchKnitter

Okay, so today is the first day I’ve blogged since last June. Hi. I’ve been busy, basically. I haven’t been writing much of anything besides Facebook updates. I got a part-time job for a while, and right now I’m doing small bits of part-time work (just a couple of hours a week) while taking a math class at the community college. Once again, I’m on the path to learning calculus. No, I haven’t given up on that yet. I’m determined to make it through trigonometry this semester. It’s half over and I have a B in the class so far. A low B, but hey, I’ll take it.

I met with my prof yesterday, as I did badly on the last major test (which I took this last Wednesday). He’s fantastic. When I told him I remember math stuff visually, he immediately had the idea for me to memorize the unit circle as it looks on the graph of the sine function (which I have down cold already). So I’m going to work on that. He also drew some parallels between how I think about coding and how to use that when thinking about math. Great guy.

I’ve been depressed and stressed enough lately that it’s affecting my health, but I’m working on it. I’ve barely been crafting, and I haven’t written any new fanfic in ages. Sigh. But hey, I’m still alive. And I’m doing something besides sitting at home brooding. I have a social life (shocking) with many people in it (even more shocking). So it’s not all bad. Just difficult sometimes.

I’ve been asking myself this question lately, thanks to binge-listening to the podcast A Little Bit Culty. It’s interesting, even if the hosts probably aren’t people I’d be friends with (they seem nice enough, but we wouldn’t have much in common). They’re former members of the NXIVM cult who are doing the show to help other escapees from cults. There’s a lot about the psychology of how people get indoctrinated and how cult leaders control their followers.

I think the reason I never joined one is sheer luck. I’ve tried to join groups based on spiritual ideologies, from the Unitarian Universalists to The Satanic Temple, but nothing ever stuck. I eventually realized that I’m better off just talking to my friends about shit and avoiding groups.

However, I think it would be pretty easy to indoctrinate me into something. (That’s not an offer.) I’m easily influenced. I may not have been in a cult, but I have been prey to charismatic yet manipulative people. Most of my serious romantic relationships were with abusers (the reason why I don’t date anymore), so I know I’m good at ignoring red flags and falling prey to what the cultiverse calls “love-bombing.” I know that I stayed in those relationships until I felt replaced (the abusers all used polyamory against me), when the abuse should have driven me away years before.

So yeah. I would have been a great cult member. My ex-partners just got to me first. Now I avoid romance and groups that are ideology-driven. (I’m active in a crafting guild and in a medieval reenactment group, and both feel pretty safe.) Let’s hope I’m never a victim of either.

Month: March 2022

Where I went

Why am I not in a cult?